Being in recovery mode

I want to write, I sit here wishing thoughts would race through my mind slowing just enough for me to grab them and throw them down onto paper, or at least type a few ideas onto my blank ‘word’ sheet on the laptop.
But it’s not there at the moment;
I can usually conjure up an idea, a scene in my head, an inkling of a thought that can blossom into a theme that can grow into a piece that I want to pursue.
I know why it’s happening, but I don’t like it. I understand why, but I don’t want to accept it.
In October I broke my arm. It happened at 11:35am on Thursday 10th October, I can replay the exact sequence of events of the day perfectly in my mind’s DVD player. I didn’t just break my arm, a simple fracture to the ulna or the radius; I broke my humerus bone in 4 places. And it hurt, a lot!!!
Consequently, since October, I’ve not been able to do much except wait for my 4 pieces of humerus bone to mend and heal back into one piece of humerus bone.
I’m a good patient and I listen to the people who have the knowledge and experience and follow their instructions and guidance. The doctor and nurses told me to stay still as much as possible for the first 3 weeks. Because it was a complicated break it might need to be pinned
For the first 2½ weeks, I spent all my time sitting still as much as possible in an upright position with my arm in a heavy uncomfortable cast and sling during the day and night. I slept sitting upright. It took me an hour to dress each day and then I rested for an hour until the pain stopped. It took me an hour to wash each day and then I rested for an hour until the pain stopped. Every task was like this. My day was very slow; all I did was watch TV. Thank heaven for box sets of previously shown dramas, The West Wing, Weeds, Sons Of Anarchy tried to take my mind off my injury.
Thankfully, after 2½ weeks, it did not need pinning and another lightweight cast was beautifully created around my upper arm, still with sling. 2 weeks later this cast was replaced by a neoprene brace with metal rods sewn in. I have now been wearing the brace for 8 weeks with another 2 weeks to go before I see the orthopaedic doctor for a review. I have started physiotherapy and have a simple routine of stretching exercises that need to be completed 3-4 times a day.
The physical limitations, discomfort and pain of my injury have been with me constantly over the past 3 months and I have dealt with their presence in a simple way: if it hurts don’t move it, if it still hurts stay still until it does hurt. If it is uncomfortable move it into a comfortable position. Unfortunately it is generally always uncomfortable.
Luckily my writing arm was not broken, so I can still write. Typing is very awkward with one hand so I am really slow, but I can still type.
That’s not my problem.
I’m not scared or traumatised about my break to the where I’m having night mares or unable to sleep. Because my broken arm has affected my physical abilities, it has also affected my mental abilities. I don’t want it to, but I know it has. It’s made me feel vulnerable and my one prominent thought is for my arm to fully heal. All I want to do is everything within my power to facilitate that process. I want my arm to be as good as it was before I broke it. These thoughts are at the front of my mind all the time. I’m rational enough to know I am doing the right things, not doing too much and taking it easy when I’m uncomfortable or in pain.
However, the one area of my world that has been affected the most is my creative process. As well as writing I have a few different hobbies and they have all been affected in some way. The part of my brain that allows me to start new things, gives me the desire to learn has been slowed down and is sat idling.
The human brain is a fantastic machine; its focus for the moment is to repair my damaged body. I know when that is done it will allow the other pursuits that invigorate and excite me to thrive and feed me again.
I cannot write anymore, I need to return to recovery mode.

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