Not blogged for a little while. My mind is still in recovery mode and diverting some of its resources to the healing process, but there are a couple of other reasons too.

Firstly, a friend pointed out that anything I post on my blog is kindly regarded by the rest of the world as published, so any poem or short story I put up on here can not be used later if I want to enter it into some competitions. It dampened my enthusiasm a little.

Secondly, as well as my mental healing, I have the physical healing, rehabilitation. As part of my recovery from breaking my arm, I am doing exercises, choreographed by my physio Pete. To increase my arm’s range of motion and strength I have a regime of specific exercises spread through the day that change as my arm improves. I am also walking twice a day to increase my stamina, having sat down for three months my fitness has been affected. The result of these exercises is my right arm aches and by the afternoon I find it difficult and awkward to type. I could type one-handed, but after three months of that, it’s also draining, mentally… you try it, it really becomes frustrating.

At the same I am back at work, working from home on projects that the company have given me to keep me busy and, therefore, not on the ‘sick’. probably makes their figures look better. The project work involves using a laptop, this also adds to my arms weariness and fatigue.

The physio team that are looking after me are discussing whether I should be using a swimming pool to do some exercises which could speed up my recovery. If they think it is a good idea I will slot that into my regime. that would be fun, I can just see it now. An overweight man stood at the side of the pool, water up to his shoulders pushing against the wall being watched by the early morning ‘mothers and toddlers’ swimming group. I would look like someone who either does not have all his faculties or does not understand the concept of a swimming pool and keeps wondering why it has a wall instead of a beach.

Arm hurting, time to stop.

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Being in recovery mode

I want to write, I sit here wishing thoughts would race through my mind slowing just enough for me to grab them and throw them down onto paper, or at least type a few ideas onto my blank ‘word’ sheet on the laptop.
But it’s not there at the moment;
I can usually conjure up an idea, a scene in my head, an inkling of a thought that can blossom into a theme that can grow into a piece that I want to pursue.
I know why it’s happening, but I don’t like it. I understand why, but I don’t want to accept it.
In October I broke my arm. It happened at 11:35am on Thursday 10th October, I can replay the exact sequence of events of the day perfectly in my mind’s DVD player. I didn’t just break my arm, a simple fracture to the ulna or the radius; I broke my humerus bone in 4 places. And it hurt, a lot!!!
Consequently, since October, I’ve not been able to do much except wait for my 4 pieces of humerus bone to mend and heal back into one piece of humerus bone.
I’m a good patient and I listen to the people who have the knowledge and experience and follow their instructions and guidance. The doctor and nurses told me to stay still as much as possible for the first 3 weeks. Because it was a complicated break it might need to be pinned
For the first 2½ weeks, I spent all my time sitting still as much as possible in an upright position with my arm in a heavy uncomfortable cast and sling during the day and night. I slept sitting upright. It took me an hour to dress each day and then I rested for an hour until the pain stopped. It took me an hour to wash each day and then I rested for an hour until the pain stopped. Every task was like this. My day was very slow; all I did was watch TV. Thank heaven for box sets of previously shown dramas, The West Wing, Weeds, Sons Of Anarchy tried to take my mind off my injury.
Thankfully, after 2½ weeks, it did not need pinning and another lightweight cast was beautifully created around my upper arm, still with sling. 2 weeks later this cast was replaced by a neoprene brace with metal rods sewn in. I have now been wearing the brace for 8 weeks with another 2 weeks to go before I see the orthopaedic doctor for a review. I have started physiotherapy and have a simple routine of stretching exercises that need to be completed 3-4 times a day.
The physical limitations, discomfort and pain of my injury have been with me constantly over the past 3 months and I have dealt with their presence in a simple way: if it hurts don’t move it, if it still hurts stay still until it does hurt. If it is uncomfortable move it into a comfortable position. Unfortunately it is generally always uncomfortable.
Luckily my writing arm was not broken, so I can still write. Typing is very awkward with one hand so I am really slow, but I can still type.
That’s not my problem.
I’m not scared or traumatised about my break to the where I’m having night mares or unable to sleep. Because my broken arm has affected my physical abilities, it has also affected my mental abilities. I don’t want it to, but I know it has. It’s made me feel vulnerable and my one prominent thought is for my arm to fully heal. All I want to do is everything within my power to facilitate that process. I want my arm to be as good as it was before I broke it. These thoughts are at the front of my mind all the time. I’m rational enough to know I am doing the right things, not doing too much and taking it easy when I’m uncomfortable or in pain.
However, the one area of my world that has been affected the most is my creative process. As well as writing I have a few different hobbies and they have all been affected in some way. The part of my brain that allows me to start new things, gives me the desire to learn has been slowed down and is sat idling.
The human brain is a fantastic machine; its focus for the moment is to repair my damaged body. I know when that is done it will allow the other pursuits that invigorate and excite me to thrive and feed me again.
I cannot write anymore, I need to return to recovery mode.

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What to blog?

Having spent the last hour looking through my blogging site I am concerned. Where have all the normal people gone? I want to follow some fellow bloggers to gain a little knowledge on how a blog works, how often people post, layouts, activity on blogs. I just want to get a general feel for the blogging world.

If you want to look at blogs you have to choose an area of interest! It has to be specific, Arts, Sport, politics. Where is the area for normal bloggers. I’ve looked to find blogs from people who are just writing down their thoughts, musings, rants, observations, the stuff they come across during their everyday lives. I might be showing my lack of knowledge about this internet world that I have entered but I only seem to find blogs that have either stupid titles or agendas

Ignore everything I’ve just written, I’m stupid!

I could have deleted the first two paragraphs of this post once I found the area on the site where you can ‘explore’ or browse. OMG there are hundreds, probably thousands, of bloggers writing thoughts or musings, I just couldn’t find them and got frustrated and wanted to moan rather than spend the time finding the right place to go on the site.

Now its up to me to go through and read some blogs!

Now, does this post go under thoughts, findings, rant……… I feel like a novice, first time at blog school and don’t know the rules.

Rule 1: Don’t talk about the blog club.

Doesn’t quite work does it, when the whole idea og blogging is being visible and public. It was a nice thought though. Joining a secretive club with limited members who were ruled by a shared interest and secrecy.

 

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Absence.

I’ve been away

I’ve not been blogging

I’ve been doing a job

Where I’ve spent time logging.

 

I’ve not stopped writing,

I’ve just got slack

I’ve now changed my job

My urge to write is back

 

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On The Beach

The sun is hot and it’s making the sand hot to walk on. This deck chair is nice and cool, being shaded by that big umbrella. This little bit of shade is very relaxing. Hopefully I’ll not be spotted by the deck chair man and I can have a quiet little lie down on this lounger before I carry on with my day.  I’d like to pick up a bird later, one that’s off guard, exhausted because of this heat. Oh no, there’s the man walking along the sand, I hope he doesn’t see me; I don’t want to move yet.  He’s getting too close, that’s a shame. I’ve got the go. I’ll jump off the sun bed and hop onto the little wall that separates the sand from the flowerbed.  This is good to trot along; then I’ll dash across the prom to my back alley behind the restaurants.  Just take a little look back to see how close the man gets; he’s checking the area by the deck chair.  No I did not do a shit; I was just looking for a quiet bit of shade to rest before I carried on with my day.

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Hello Cindy

‘Hello Cindy, how are you? Is your new job going well?  I noticed that you are now working with a different temp agency. I hope this one is better than the last one. You changed your hair. I like the new style, makes you look younger and shows off your beautiful face. I do hope you didn’t hurt yourself yesterday when your shoe got stuck on the escalator, was your shoe okay? That man who pushed you was very rude. I made sure he won’t be doing that again.’

‘stop texting me or I will call the police.’

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My Arm

The shock of losing my arm was horrifying. I could not quite comprehend what had happened, it was so sudden. There was no pain. It was just not there, just gone! Faster than my eye could see. Then I moved and my whole reflection returned to the mirror.

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